Jace on Drugs
by Currently Dating Spike
Summary: A visit to Taki's takes an interesting turn... How will the crew handle Jace under influence? Takes place after CoG, written with Liz. As a side note, I used to be Miss Bellsie, changed my name. A Liannah story. Rated T for drugs.
1. What The

**I know there's a slight shortage of well-written MI comedy, so we've come to the rescue!**

**This is a comedy which I wrote together with one of my best friends, Liz, so we share the joint credit. Most of the hilarious dialogue was hers, so enjoy! **

**And I would also like to note that I've changed my name. I used to be 'Miss Bellsie', but that was just boring. I was working on a third part to 'The Mirror of Erised', but I lack inspiration. Sorry about that. R&R.**

"Are you blind?"

"I was there first!"

"You were way behind me, you idiot. Admit it."

Simon groaned internally. Jace and Isabelle had spent the entire walk to Taki's arguing vehemently over who had finished off the demon they had fought that afternoon. If he had been human, he would have had a roaring headache. The summer heat would have sent him over the edge if he had been able to feel it. As it was, Clary was covered in sweat and looking very disgruntled, trudging along at his side. Alec's mind was clearly elsewhere, as he followed Isabelle with a vacant expression. Probably wishing Magnus were with them, and not busy with his secret High Warlock business.

"Are they always like this?" Simon said to Clary.

She snorted contemptuously without looking at him. "Only on days that end in _y_."

Jace turned to look at them. "You saw, didn't you Clary?" he asked eagerly.

"No _way _are you going to turn to your girlfriend for support, suck it up Ja-"

"_Would you two shut up!_" Alec yelled from Izzy's other side. Everyone turned to look at him in surprise. Pink spots appeared high on his cheekbones. "Sorry," he said meekly, "But do you think we could talk about something else?"

"No point," Jace said as they rounded the corner. "We're here."

Taki's was, as usual, full of customers. The ifrit with green skin greeted them at the door and led them to one of the last spare tables. Simon sat gratefully next to Alec, trying to ignore the brief flash of hurt when Clary automatically sat with Jace without even looking at him.

Isabelle slid her chair as close to him as was humanly possible, giving him a sly sideways smile. Her vanilla perfume burned his sensitive nose. "Well," he said awkwardly, pushing his menu away, "I already know what I'm having."

Jace, who had his arm around Clary's shoulders, studying a menu in with his free hand, snorted. "What's it going to be bloodsucker, antelope or lion?"

"Antelope," Simon said with a perfectly straight face.

Isabelle laughed breathily in his ear. He exchanged glances with Clary across the table.

The click-click of high heels announced the arrival of Kaelie, the pretty waitress.

"Know what you're having?" she asked, smiling at Jace a little too warmly, then frowning slightly as she registered Clary snuggled into his side. Clary, Simon noticed, saw this, and looked irritated. She ordered her meal with slightly more vigour than was strictly necessary.

After everyone had ordered, Kaelie trotted away with a last look at Jace. He appeared not to have noticed her attention; he was talking to Clary about her training. Simon turned to strike up a conversation with Isabelle, but found he had nothing much to say. He found himself wishing he were at home, gaming with Matt and Eric. He wondered how they'd react when he finally worked up the courage to tell them he was a vampire. Probably clap him on the back and ask for help getting vampire chicks. He was with Clary on that one; they were definitely sexist pigs.

Isabelle seemed to have read his mind. "So, Simon, have you come out as a vampire yet?" she asked innocently.

He sighed. "Not yet."

You really should do it soon, you know," she said knowingly. "The longer you leave it, the harder it's going to get."

"Leave it alone, Izzy," Alec interrupted. "He'll tell everyone when he's ready."

Simon shot him a grateful look. Isabelle wasn't able to reply, since Kaelie came back with their drinks. Well, most of their drinks. "Back in a minute," she told Jace, winking.

"I don't like her," Clary said as soon as she was out of earshot. Simon snorted, but said nothing.

"Just forget it," Jace said soothingly, rubbing her arm. "It was a long time ago."

Clary ignored him and glared at her milkshake.

"Look on the bright side," Simon said, attempting to lighten the mood. "You can always get Magnus to turn her into a toad for you."

Clary's face brightened slightly.

"Magnus doesn't turn people into toads," Alec said indignantly. "That's ridiculous."

Everyone at the table gave him a look. He reddened. "Never mind," he said quickly.

Kaelie came back and placed Jace's drink in front of him. "Enjoy," she breathed.

Clary made a face at her retreating back.

"Forget it Clary," Simon advised as Jace took a huge swallow.

"Stupid bitch," Clary muttered venomously.

"Oh, get over it Clary!" Isabelle said in an exasperated voice. "If you're going to be like this the entire time, then I'm going to sit with him," She pointed to the table behind them. A man with slimy green skin was sitting alone, picking at a plate of what looked like animal tongues. Pale blue drool dripped from his jagged teeth.

Jace snorted. "Loser."

Simon frowned at him, slightly stung. "Just because he's a Downworlder…"

"Oh, come on Simon!" Jace said loudly. "I thought losers recognised each other. Look at him!"

"Jace," Alec said tightly. "Shut up. He'll hear you."

"I don't care if he does hear me!" Jace shouted, leaning over the back of his chair. "Are you contagious or do you just have, like, no friends?"

Isabelle leaned forward and yanked him back into his seat. "Have you gone completely insane!" she demanded.

The green man was suddenly standing beside Jace, staring at him. "You got a problem?" it rasped.

"Why yes I do," Jace said insolently. "You're a loser." He laughed.

The green man grabbed the front of his shirt and heaved him out of his seat. "And who the hell are you?" he spat.

"Jace Wayland." Jace grabbed the man's shoulders and slammed his head onto his skull. The man let go of him and fell backwards, clutching his forehead.

Jace moved away from the table despite multiple cries from Clary. Simon stood dumbstruck, watching as Jace kicked the green man in the jaw, sending him sprawling across the floor. He sneered at him then suddenly leapt on top of him.

"Ooh, squishy" Jace squealed with amazement. He started doing what appeared to be a demented Irish jig.

"ALEC," Isabelle said loudly, "Call Magnus. We're gonna need backup."

**What will happen? Hilarity shall follow. Any reviews I will pass on to Liz, and she'd **_**really **_**appreciate it. Constructive criticism is fantastic, so please, give us plenty of advice, and tell us what you love and what you hate! Since we have to write this together, the next chapter may take a while. Reviews will make it come faster. Love you guys!!!**


	2. AN: Bad News

**Hey guys!! Very bad news here.**

**Liz's birthday is this weekend (Happy birthday sweetie!!), and my sister's wedding is the weekend after (congrats!!), and then I'm GOING TO EUROPE FOR SIX WEEKS (GO ME!!)!! While this is exciting for me, it does mean that we won't be able to update UNTIL I GET BACK.**

**I am SO sorry! Thanks SO much for reading our story, your reviews mean the world to us. Well, not quite, but they're appreciated all the same.**

**Before I go, I have a few recommendations to give for stories I love by some very creative authors. Hopefully they will keep you busy for at least a while!**

**CCHS by ariviand – Funny, well-written, and creative, with plenty of Malec fluff**

**Mortal Instruments Next Top Model by icaughtkira – So hilarious and OTT, it's a rollercoaster of creativity**

**Red Butterfly City of Bones by Skyla123 – An interesting twist, I have lain awake thinking about this story; well written, a more serious fanfic.**

**Return To Me by Caitlyn Herondale – Also a more serious story. Well written and suspenseful, I'm still waiting for her to update.**

**Starstruck – Love it! Jace would make a great pop star. Funny and well-written, definitely give it a go!**

**Lesson Learned by CloudedMindx (RATED M) – For slightly older readers, this story is funny in places, and fun to read. No serious fluff yet, so you may proceed with caution.**

**I hope you guys won't hate us for this, we love you all! Will update as soon as possible, promise. Keep your socks on til' I get back!**

**Love, Currently Dating Spike xxoo**


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